ConservativeChristianRepublican-Report - 20090605

Motivational-Inspirational-Historical-Educational-Political-Enjoyable



"Daily Motivations"

Give people a fact or an idea and you enlighten their minds; tell them a story and you touch their souls. -- Hasidic proverb



Game-Playing for Fun … and Better Results

Looking for a way to encourage collaboration within your team? Like to get employees more involved and committed – and build a more enjoyable working environment? Try playing an occasional game. Yes, we said “game.” And yes, they can be very effective leadership tools. Here’s an example …

OFFICE AIRLINES (10 minutes)

Divide your group into 2-person teams. Give each team a sheet of paper, marking pens, and a paperclip. Instruct participants to work with their teammate to create a paper airplane they feel will travel a long distance. Each team must name their airline and decorate their plane accordingly – using the marking pens. Planes are limited to one piece of paper and may use one paperclip anywhere on the plane if needed. After construction is completed, conduct the flights. The team with the plane traveling the longest distance wins a prize (bag of peanuts and soda, plastic toy pilot wings, etc.).

Consider asking a few de-briefing questions after the game has concluded:
1. How well did you work together in constructing your airplanes?
2. How did teamwork affect your results … and your experience?
3. If you had to identify one piece of key learning from this activity that we can apply to our jobs, what would it be?

Look for opportunities to include periodic games and activities in your regular routine. They can be fun and engaging – and foster learning, as well. They can help ease stressful environments, build greater camaraderie, and make workplaces more enjoyable. What’s wrong with that picture? Absolutely NOTHING!

Effective questions can be the single-most potent tool in any leader’s toolbox. They create a mindset shift away from problem orientation and limitations – and toward solution orientation and possibilities. Here are five examples of effective questions you can ask to encourage your people to work together better. Give them a try …

People rarely succeed unless they are having fun in what they are doing. -- Dale Carnegie



"Daily Devotions" (KJV and/or NLT)

"You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind." (Matthew 22:37)

It all started with a lapse of integrity.

Lisa and her husband lived a seemingly wonderful life. They were active in their church and had a young son.

Then Lisa and her husband made an ethically questionable financial decision. As a result, they began relaxing other moral rules. Finally, Lisa discovered that her husband had begun an affair with an old girlfriend. Their fourteen-year marriage crumbled into divorce.

Lisa reacted by turning her back on God. For ten years, she lived a life of absolute rebellion against God. Then one Sunday morning she woke up early and felt a strange urge to go to church. She called a friend who was living an equally wild life, and they attended church together. It was a horrible experience. Lisa felt nervous, conspicuous, and awkward.

But, for some unexplainable reason, Lisa dug out her Bible and kept going to church. God began to do a work inside her. Eventually, Lisa's life and attitudes made a 180-degree turn.

What she discovered was that before her divorce, attempting to follow God's rules, without a heart of love, did not make her happy. But when she wholeheartedly responded to God's love for her, His commandments took on a completely different significance. They were not only easier to obey, but they became a joy to her life.

Lisa did not find happiness in rebellion nor in merely following God's rules. True happiness comes from something much more---a love relationship with our great God and Savior that leads to obedience.



"The Patriot Post"

"These Endured All And Gave All That Justice Among Nations Might Prevail and That Mankind Might Enjoy Freedom and Inherit Peace." -- inscription on a memorial at the American Cemetery overlooking Omaha Beach

“There is no vice... so contemptible; he who permits himself to tell a lie once, finds it much easier to do it a second and a third time, till at length it becomes habitual...” -- Thomas Jefferson

"I have no illusions about what little I can add now to the silent testimony of those who gave their lives willingly for their country. Words are even more feeble on this Memorial Day, for the sight before us is that of a strong and good nation that stands in silence and remembers those who were loved and who, in return, loved their countrymen enough to die for them. Yet, we must try to honor them -- not for their sakes alone, but for our own. And if words cannot repay the debt we owe these men, surely with our actions we must strive to keep faith with them and with the vision that led them to battle and to final sacrifice. Our first obligation to them and ourselves is plain enough: The United States and the freedom for which it stands, the freedom for which they died, must endure and prosper." -- Ronald Reagan

"Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.." -- George Washington, Farewell Address, September 19, 1796



"Family Research Council"

Drop Controversial Homosexual Activist from Education Department

http://www.frc.org/get.cfm?i=WU09F01&f=PG07J01

We expected liberal appointments to executive positions in an Obama administration, but it was still startling to learn that Education Secretary Arne Duncan had actually appointed Kevin Jennings, founder of the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), to be Assistant Deputy Secretary for the Office of Safe and Drug Free Schools. GLSEN is the chief national advocacy group promoting policies to force affirmation of homosexuality in schools, beginning in kindergarten. Jennings wrote the foreword for a book, "Queering Elementary Education," which among other things praises teaching masturbation to a 7-year-old girl. He has spoken publicly about a high school student he once counseled who was in a sexual relationship with an older man--yet Jennings never reported this abuse to the authorities, the school, or the child's parents. GLSEN makes much of eliminating name-calling and bullying toward students believed to be homosexual--but Jennings does not set a very good example in how he treats those who disagree with him. In a speech in a New York church in 2000, he declared, "We have to quit being afraid of the religious right. . . . I'm trying not to say, '[F---] 'em!' which is what I want to say, because I don't care what they think! [audience laughter] Drop dead!" This is completely inconsistent with the tone President Obama has said he wants to set, and Jennings' appointment should be withdrawn.

DrThrockmorton.com: Remembering Brewster

CWA: When Silence Would Have Been Golden



"Liberty Counsel"

Wow! This is wonderful! This is beautiful! High School students recited the "Lord's Prayer" rebelling against the ACLU. - oyh

Online version easier to read? Go to www.LC.org

June 4, 2009

Students Rebel at Graduation Against the ACLU’s Bullying Tactics

Nearly 400 graduating seniors at Pace High School stood up in protest against the ACLU and recited the Lord’s Prayer during their graduation ceremony on Saturday. This event follows a lawsuit the ACLU filed against the Santa Rosa County School District, claiming some of the teachers and administration endorsed religion. Liberty Counsel represents Pace High School Principal Frank Lay and school teacher Michelle Winkler.

The students at Pace High School were furious with the ACLU hijacking their free speech rights and decided to take a stand at graduation. Many of the students also painted crosses on their graduation caps to make a statement of faith.

Read our News Release for more details.

Support Liberty Counsel's Friend or Foe Graduation Prayer Campaign

RELIGION IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS WORKSHOP

Can students pray in public school? Can schools have an after-school Bible Club? How can students and teachers share their faith in the public school? Now you can get the answers to these questions, and more!

Liberty Counsel is pleased to offer a workshop that explores student’s rights, teacher’s rights and prayer in public school. An attorney will answer these and many other questions in a fun and interactive format. If your church or Christian organization is interested in hosting a workshop, contact liberty@LC.org or call 800-671-1776 for more details.

Prayer Will Change Our Schools

Yes, students can pray in school! We have created fashionable red wristbands as reminders to pray. A donation of $3 for one wristband includes shipping and handling. You can also order a package of 10 wristbands for a donation of $15 or 50 wristbands for only $50. Order your wristbands today in our online store (select the clothing & jewelry category) or call us at 1-800-671-1776.

These wristbands are designed as a reminder to pray daily to help return America to prayer. Each bright red wristband is embossed with "I WILL PRAY" and "PRAY WITHOUT CEASING I THESS 5:17."

Thank you for standing firm for liberty by keeping informed. You can help by forwarding this Liberty Alert to your entire e-mail list of family and friends, and encourage them to subscribe.

Liberty Counsel does not charge clients for representation, so we depend on individuals, groups and churches who care about advancing religious freedom, the sanctity of human life and the traditional family. Liberty Counsel is recognized by the IRS as a 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organization that accepts tax-deductible donations. Donate or order resources from the Liberty Counsel online store.

Mathew D. Staver - Founder and Chairman
Anita L. Staver - President
Liberty Counsel - 1-800-671-1776
PO Box 540774 - Orlando, FL 32854



"The Web"

Normandy Vets Look to One Last Remembrance

Remember our D-Day anniversary, June 6, 1944.

Stars and Stripes | Steve Mraz | May 28, 2009

http://www.military.com/forums/0,15240,191775,00.html?ESRC=army.nl

The ranks of living D-Day veterans have long been thinning.

As the 65th anniversary of the World War II Allied invasion of Europe approaches, even the youngest men who survived the bloody beach assaults, night parachute drops and glider landings into northeast coastal France now find themselves in their 80s.

Normandy American Cemetery Superintendent Daniel Neese said he has heard more than 100 D-Day veterans will attend this year's anniversary.

Given the veterans' ages and the associated physical hardships of traveling to France, this year's event is "very important," Neese said.

"To me, it's the last moment we may be able to pay honor to these gutsy, confident, courageous men -- in person -- who sacrificed and prevailed on the 6th of June 1944 and also during the Normandy campaign," he said.

The National World War II Museum in New Orleans estimates that there were probably 500,000 U.S. personnel on or just off the beaches at Normandy and who could be called D-Day vets. Of those, roughly 62,500 are still alive, according to Kacey Hill, a spokeswoman with the museum.

President Barack Obama and French President Nicolas Sarkozy will attend ceremonies at Normandy American Cemetery in Coleville-Sur-Mer, France, various media outlets have reported.

Others agree this will be a significant D-Day remembrance.

"This is really their last big trip," said amateur historian and Landstuhl Regional Medical Center nurse Ann Shields.

Hal Baumgarten, who wrote "Eyewitness on Omaha Beach," said he is going to be there, Shields said.

"Some of the others now are not going to be able to make that trip," she said.

Baumgarten, 84, was wounded three times on D-Day and twice the day after, including an upper jaw shattered by shrapnel and a gunshot wound to his knee when he was on a stretcher. His account of the amphibious landing at Omaha Beach formed the opening scene of "Saving Private Ryan."

On D-Day, Baumgarten was a 19-year-old private with Company B, 1st Battalion, 116th Infantry Regiment, 29th Infantry Division. He was one of two soldiers out of 30 from his landing craft to survive the day. The other survivor died of a heart attack last year, Baumgarten said.

Baumgarten has made the trek to Normandy for the D-Day anniversary every year since 1988, he said. This year, he's coming with some guys from the 29th Infantry Division or "what's left of them," Baumgarten said by phone from his home in Jacksonville Beach, Fla.

The author, who has appeared on numerous D-Day television specials, understands the importance of the 65th anniversary. His upcoming trip to Normandy could be his last, he said.

"I don't think I'm going to go back again," he said. "I think I've had it. I'm having trouble with my leg.

"It's very meaningful to me because a lot of the guys lost their lives there. I go to the graves. I go to my lieutenant's grave. [Tom] Brokaw put me on TV saluting my lieutenant's grave."

Yet, Baumgarten said he might change his mind.

"I keep telling my wife I won't make it back after this year, but I've been saying that every year," he said.

Irving Smolens is one veteran who participated in the D-Day landings and the subsequent campaign across Europe who will not be making the trip to France this year. The former soldier with Battery B, 29th Field Artillery Battalion, 4th Infantry Division was in Normandy for the 50th and 60th anniversaries.

Smolens can recite the line from President Bill Clinton's speech that drew rousing applause at the 50th anniversary.

"They may walk with a little less spring in their step and their ranks are growing thinner, but let us never forget when they were young, these men saved the world," Smolens said, quoting Clinton's 1994 speech at the Normandy American Cemetery.

For the 60th anniversary, Smolens led the 21-gun artillery salute at both Omaha and Utah beaches by dropping his hand to signal the soldiers when to fire.

He considered making the trip for the 65th anniversary, but things didn't work out, he said by phone from his home outside Boston. He will be in Virginia at that time, where he'll be interviewed for a Library of Congress project.

In five years, Smolens hopes to be in Normandy for the next big anniversary, and if asked, he'll be willing to lead the 21-gun salutes again.

"I'm 84 years old," Smolens said. "I'm holding out till I'm 89 so I can go to the 70th…. I would be glad to do it. I should only live so long."



Rep. King: Probe ACORN's Financial 'Spiderweb'

By: David A. Patten

http://www.newsmax.com/insidecover/acorn_spiderweb_king/2009/06/02/220811.html?s=al&promo_code=80D7-1

See Video: Rep. Steve King discusses his probe into ACORN - Click Here Now

http://video.newsmax.com/?bcpid=20972460001&bclid=22770166001&bctid=25086840001

Iowa GOP Congressman Steve King is calling for simultaneous FBI and congressional investigations into what he calls a "spiderweb" of shadowy financial and business relationships linked to the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now (ACORN).

"With ACORN, it's pervasive," King tells Newsmax, referring to criminal allegations and malfeasance leveled at ACORN's low-income, voter-registration operation. "It's everywhere. It's 12 or 14 states where there are investigations going on for voter registration [fraud].

"ACORN has admitted to … around 400,000 fraudulent voter-registration forms being introduced. They claim they don't hire people on commission, but they do hire people on commission," King tells Newsmax in an exclusive interview.

See Video: Rep. Steve King discusses his probe into ACORN - Click Here Now

King says ACORN has over 270 corporate affiliates and business units that have received more than $53 million in federal tax dollars. Recent stimulus legislation, he tells Newsmax, could give the organization access up to $8.5 billion.

According to a recent Fox News report, over 250 nonprofit groups list ACORN's New Orleans headquarters as their address. One of those groups is Citizens Services Inc., which received $800,000 from the Obama administration in return for a get-out-the-vote program during last year's campaign.

Although King charges that ACORN is "in the business of electing Democrats," he says its impact transcends politics. He tells Newsmax the organization has intimidated bank executives into making risky mortgage loans to people who shouldn't have received them, adding that is "a contributing factor, I believe, to this financial meltdown that we have."

King, who has represented Iowa's fifth congressional district since 2002, describes ACORN as "an organization that erodes the integrity of the election process," adding: "I believe it has completely the face of a criminal enterprise, and it should be thoroughly investigated by Congress and the Department of Justice. And it should happen simultaneously."

Although King says ACORN is responsible for "hundreds of thousands of fraudulent voter registration forms," the type of investigation he wants would go far beyond current state and FBI investigations for alleged voter fraud. Rather, it would look into the interlocking financial connections between ACORN and its affiliate organizations.

To date, there have been four post-election prosecutions by state authorities involving ACORN. All focus on voter fraud rather than finances.

"We need to do a lot more. We cannot let them bring down our election process," King tells Newsmax.

In the exclusive Newsmax interview, King also addressed the controversy surrounding House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's allegations that the CIA lied in stating she had been briefed on "enhanced interrogation" methods, such as water-boarding.

He says Pelosi's security clearance should be withdrawn until her assertions can either be verified or disproven.

King says the controversy stirred up by Pelosi's assertion "puts our national security at risk," because the CIA and 14 other U.S. security agencies no longer can have the "level of trust" they need to liaison effectively with the Speaker of the House. King blames this on Pelosi's "wild allegations."

He also points out that the speaker follows only the vice-president in the order of succession, should anything happen to the president.



The Truth About ObamACORN

by Michelle Malkin

http://townhall.com/columnists/MichelleMalkin/2009/05/29/the_truth_about_obamacorn?page=1

Left-wing groups in Washington, D.C., are panicked. The New York Times and other Team Obama whitewashers are downplaying the connection between the Obama presidential campaign, the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now (ACORN) and Obama's old employer Project Vote (ACORN's nonprofit canvassing arm). Alas, the truth keeps seeping out.

At a closed-door powwow hosted Thursday at the left-leaning Center for American Progress, activists discussed how to combat a relentless stream of corruption charges from ACORN/Project Vote whistleblowers. But it's too late for a reputation bailout. Former Project Vote official and whistleblower Anita MonCrief has harnessed the Internet to crowd-source a massive cache of documents showing ties between Obama staff members and the supposedly "nonpartisan" ACORN operations.

Last fall, The New York Times abandoned an investigation into whether Obama had shared donor lists with Project Vote, a 501(c)(3) organization that is prohibited from engaging in political activity. Public editor Clark Hoyt earlier this month called it "the tip that didn't pan out." Critics suggested the donor lists could have been compiled through public records. But I have obtained the lists -- not only of Obama donors, but also lists of Democratic National Committee, Hillary Clinton and John Kerry contributors. The records include small donors to the Obama campaign, who are not disclosed in public campaign finance databases. It's information only a campaign could supply.

MonCrief testified under oath last fall that her then-boss, Karyn Gillette, gave her the Obama donor list and told her the campaign had furnished it. Moreover, e-mail messages between ACORN, Project Vote and other affiliates, including ACORN subsidiary Citizens Services, Inc. (CSI), make explicit references to working on "Obama campaign related projects." The "list of maxed out Obama donors" is specifically mentioned in staff e-mail. Another message from ACORN/Project Vote official Nathan Henderson-James warns ACORN and affiliated staff to prepare for "conservatives … gearing up a major oppo research project on Obama."

Henderson-James wrote, "Understand I'm not suggesting that we gear up to defend a candidate's campaign." But that, of course, is exactly what the ACORN enterprise did.

Why does this matter? Transparency, tax dollars and electoral integrity. ACORN's own lawyer Elizabeth Kingsley acknowledged last year that a vast web of tax-exempt ACORN affiliates were shuffling money around -- making it almost impossible to track whether campaign rules and tax regulations were being followed. ACORN receives 40 percent of its revenues from taxpayers. Americans deserve to know whether and how much commingling of public money with political projects has occurred over the last four decades -- and what role the Obama campaign played in this enterprise.

Remember: Last August, the Obama team admitted its failure to properly disclose $800,000 in payments to CSI -- which works hand in hand with Project Vote and the ACORN parent organization. Obama mysteriously reclassified the campaign advance work expenditures as "get-out-the-vote" activities. Nary a peep from electoral integrity watchdogs.

Despite heated denials from Team Obama, the links between ACORN, Project Vote and CSI are inextricable. As Obama himself reminded ACORN leaders after its political action committee endorsed his presidential candidacy in February 2008:

"I come out of a grassroots organizing background. That's what I did for three and half years before I went to law school. That's the reason I moved to Chicago was to organize. So this is something that I know personally, the work you do, the importance of it. I've been fighting alongside ACORN on issues you care about my entire career. Even before I was an elected official, when I ran Project Vote voter registration drive in Illinois, ACORN was smack dab in the middle of it, and we appreciate your work."

As I've reported before, the Obama campaign's "Vote for Change" registration drive, run simultaneously with ACORN/Project Vote, was an all-out scramble to scrape up every last unregistered voter sympathetic to Obama's big-government vision.

In an e-mail message to whistleblower MonCrief last summer, New York Times reporter Stephanie Strom told the truth: "The real story to all this is how these myriad entities allow them to shuffle money around so much that no one really knows what's getting spent on what." By Oct. 6, 2008, Strom had thrown in the towel in the wake of blistering phone conversations with the Obama campaign. She wrote:

"I'm calling a halt to my efforts. I just had two unpleasant calls with the Obama campaign, wherein the spokesman was screaming and yelling and cursing me, calling me a right-wing nut and a conspiracy theorist and everything else. … I'd still like to get that file from you when you have a chance to send it. One of these days, the truth is going to come out."

It's only just begun.



New GM (government motors) Releases 2010 Concept Car, “The Obama”

The new GM car: In a special news conference yesterday, Government Motors announced its new concept car… The new GM (Government Motors) proudly introduces the 2010 “Obama”...

This car runs on hot air and broken promises. It has three wheels that speed the vehicle through tight left turns. It comes complete with two Teleprompters, programmed to help the occupants talk their way out of any violations. The transparent canopy reveals the plastic smiles still on the faces of all the “happy” Democrat owners.



These Pictures Will Humble Anyone - Guaranteed! - Just how small are our problems?

http://www.webxact.co.uk/2008/08/these-pictures-will-humble-anyone.html

These Pictures From Space Should help us View Things in Perspective!

Stage 1 - Where we are at....

Antares Is The 15th Brightest Star In The Sky. It Is More Than 1000 Light Years Away.

Stage 2 - Now Try To Wrap Your Mind Around This..... This Is A Hubble Telescope Ultra Deep Field Infrared View Of Countless 'Entire' Galaxies Billions Of Light-Years Away.

Below Is A Close Up Of One Of The Darkest Regions Of The Photo Above.

Now How Big Are You? And How Big Are The Things That Upset You Today?



Obama the Destroyer

By Quin Hillyer

http://spectator.org/archives/2009/05/15/obama-the-destroyer

If somebody were deliberately trying to undermine the very fabric of these United States, he would first vow not just to change its policies but to completely "change America," and then would do just about everything Barack Obama already has begun to do as president.

To undermine this nation, he would attack the essential sanctity of contracts -- exactly as Obama has done. Never mind the "contracts" clause of the Constitution -- who needs to get hung up on the Constitution's actual language when "empathy" is more important?

For that matter, he would denigrate the whole notion of equal justice under the law by criticizing the whole notion of a judge as a neutral umpire. And he would employ, as a senator, outrageous and unprecedented means -- the filibusters of judicial nominees -- to block judges who don't agree with his own choices of who deserves more "justice" than whom.

To undermine this nation, he would selectively release only those portions of intelligence memos that make his nation look bad, but not those that provide context and reasonable motivations for the subject of the memos. And he would selectively edit memos from his own intelligence director to eliminate his statements in support of the effectiveness of the policies discussed in those other memos -- and his statements supporting the motives of those who adopted those policies in protection of their fellow citizens. And he would leave open the possibility of prosecuting earlier administration's lawyers merely for giving legal advice he disagrees with.

To undermine this nation, a president would go on a spending binge so incredibly wild that annual deficits and national debt would reach frightening proportions before most Americans could even absorb the arithmetic of it all. He would be utterly reckless with our grandchildren's tax money, but would turn around and achieve savings -- minor savings at that -- only by cutting or even gutting defense forces.

He would stop paying for missile defenses. He would stop planning for forces strong enough to handle two regional wars at once, and would concentrate only on counterinsurgency needs while hollowing out our conventional forces. He would repeatedly insult our closest ally (Great Britain) while kowtowing to enemies such as Iran, Venezuela, and Nicaraguan communists. He would travel the world repeatedly apologizing for supposed American sins while failing to defend the USA from verbal assaults from tinpot dictators.

He would submit budgets that would eliminate funding for an already authorized border fence, and nominate as top lawyer of the State Department a man who openly mocks the legal underpinnings of American sovereignty. He would propose raising taxes on corporations, on soft drinks, on investors, on savers, on the grieving families of dead people, on small businesses, and on every family that uses public energy sources.

And worst of all, he would propose unprecedented and underhanded use of a parliamentary maneuver called "reconciliation" to ease the way to an irrevocable government takeover of an entire major sector of the economy -- health care -- without adequate debate and with firm knowledge that the takeover could lead to serious health care rationing and even government-determined decisions on life and death.

To undermine this nation, he would throw out more than two centuries of economic freedom in favor of a modern-day version of Mussolini's economic fascism.

He would refuse to prosecute vote fraud or even guard against it, while repeatedly awarding financial grants to organizations such as ACORN that have been accused of vote fraud on multiple occasions in multiple states. He would stack his Justice Department with highly politicized left-wingers. He would fail, until put directly on the spot, to offer the slightest rebuke to his hand-picked, ethically compromised Attorney General when said AG calls his fellow citizens "a nation of cowards."

In short, to undermine the United States, the president would, as fast as possible, create a massively debt-ridden, tax-ridden, regulation-ridden government whose prosecutors play political favorites but whose stances on the world stage are marked by weakness, self-criticism, and solicitousness towards one's enemies.

Surely this president has other motives. But even if his intentions are good, we all know the substance of the pavement on the road to perdition.



"The e-mail Bag"

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere..... but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!".. So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" ..... The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"

Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it... this is the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word........ just clean and simple fun.



THE IRISH PROSTITUTE

An Irish daughter had not been home for over a year. Upon her return, her Father cussed her. 'Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?'

The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff....Dad....I became a prostitute...' 'Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family.'

'OK, Dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club.....(takes a breath).....and an
invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and... ..' 'Now what was it ye said ye had become?' says Dad. Girl, crying again, 'Sniff, sniff....a prostitute Daddy! Sniff, sniff.'

'Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old Dad a hug.