ConservativeChristianRepublican-Report -20090623

Motivational-Inspirational-Historical-Educational-Political-Enjoyable



"Daily Motivations"

The responsibility for maintaining good performance is the employee's, not the manager's. The manager's job is to point out the discrepancy – the employee's job is to fix it. -- Paul Sims



"Daily Devotions" (KJV and/or NLT)

"He made Himself nothing; He took the humble position of a slave and appeared in human form." (Philippians 2:7)

Understanding God is not a simple task. I readily admit that, like all human beings, I am incapable of completely understanding the attributes of our awesome God who reigns in overwhelming majesty. Who am I, a mere man, trying to understand the God of the universe who is all-powerful, holy, and righteous? But I know without a doubt that God wants us to really know Him.

Let me go back to my analogy of the mite on the flea on the dog. The mite had given up hope that he could ever understand the mighty king. Then it was as though King Solomon searched out that insignificant mite. First, the king found the owner of that small home on the outskirts of Jerusalem. He stepped into the yard, found the dog, then the flea, and finally, with astonishing loving kindness, told the mite---in the mite's own limited language---all about himself.

But amazingly, God went even further. He did not just content Himself with speaking to us through our limited language. Instead, He assumed our limited form---that of a human---setting aside His riches and splendor and honor to become like us! That, of course, was the miraculous day when God was born as a baby in a manger in the small village of Bethlehem. That baby's name was Jesus. This demonstration of God's love is beyond my comprehension and shows His great desire for us to know Him. God's willingness to become a man changed forever the way I can relate with Him.



"The Patriot Post"

"Government, in my humble opinion, should be formed to secure and to enlarge the exercise of the natural rights of its members; and every government, which has not this in view, as its principal object, is not a government of the legitimate kind." -- James Wilson, Lectures on Law, 1790

"Under all those disadvantages no men ever show more spirit or prudence than ours. In my opinion nothing but virtue has kept our army together through this campaign." -- Colonel John Brooks, letter to a friend, January 5, 1778



"Liberty Counsel"

A crucial hearing will take place next Thursday. Please forward this message to your friends. -- Mat

We just received word that President Obama's attorney general, Eric Holder, will appear before the Senate Judiciary Committee next Thursday in support of the anti-faith Hate Crimes bill.

This is a follow up to Attorney General Holder's statements earlier this week which amounted to nothing more than politically motivated fear-mongering.

It is clear what the Obama team is doing...

They are laying the political "cover" for the Senate to pass a Hate Crimes bill that gives special protections based on "sexual identity" while refusing to protect the religious liberties of millions of Americans!

Let's Greet Mr. Holder with 100,000 Petitions!

I just asked for a count of our petition opposing this anti-faith Hate Crimes bill and have been told that -- thanks to you and so
many others who have signed -- we recently crossed 83,000! So here's my challenge to you:

When you help me reach 100,000 petitions by next Wednesday NOON, I will make sure these petitions get delivered to the ranking members on the Senate Judiciary Committee in time for the 10am Thursday hearing.

Please forward this message to your friends and urge them to sign the petition now:

http://www.libertyaction.org/r.asp?u=19829&PID=20856035&P=1

The fact that the Senate's leadership has been forced to have hearings on the Hate Crimes bill is a tremendous victory! The enormous pressure we have brought to bear through previous petition deliveries, massive fax campaigns and an avalanche of calls has forced them to change their plans!

Now is the time to really turn up the heat!

This new anti-faith Hate Crimes law isn't really about protecting anyone's rights. It is all about giving Holder's federal prosecutors more power to prosecute their version of political correctness!

We simply cannot sit by and let the Obama team dictate on this issue and paint Christians like you and me as evil doers and "haters" in this debate!

Again... the hearing is Thursday at 10am. I want to make sure this Committee receives 100,000 petitions, but to do so I need you to help me reach 17,000 more friends right away. Please forward this message to 10, 20 or 30 of your friends today:

http://www.libertyaction.org/r.asp?u=19829&PID=20856035&P=1

Thank you and may God bless you.

Mathew Staver, Founder and Chairman
Liberty Counsel



"AFA"

Please help us get this information into the hands of as many people as possible by forwarding it to your entire e-mail list of family and friends.

Coming soon for a vote: The "Hate Crimes" bill will take away our religious freedoms

In simple language, here is what the hate crimes bill will do.

June 22, 2009

Congress will soon be voting on the so-call "Hate Crimes" bill. If you want to understand what this battle is all about, click here. http://www.afa.net/pdfs/gospelofhate.pdf This material comes from Speechless – Silencing Christians.

The purpose of this e-mail is not to sell the book, however you can purchase it if you desire. https://store.afa.net/pc-10000332-4-speechless-silencing-the-christians.aspx

The purpose of this e-mail is to educate you about the horrors of this bill. After you read it, take action. Call your two senators and representative and ask them to vote against the "Hate Crimes" bill. You can reach all three at 202-224-3121.

Don’t throw away some of your religious freedom by remaining silent.

Sincerely,

Donald E. Wildmon,
Founder and Chairman
American Family Association



"The Web"

Bless You

http://www.blessyoumovie.com/




Acorn = Corruption

http://www.conservativenc.com/index.php/cnc-tv/731-acorn--corruption




FREEDOM ISN'T FREE

I watched the Flag pass by one day,
It fluttered in the breeze.
A young Marine saluted it,
And then, he stood at ease.

I looked at him in uniform,
So young, so tall, so proud,
With hair cut square and eyes alert
He'd stand out in any crowd.

I thought how many men like him
Had fallen through the years.
How many died on foreign soil?
How many Mother's tear?

How many pilot's planes shot down?
How many died at sea?
How many foxholes were soldier's graves?
NO ... FREEDOM IS NOT FREE!

I heard the sound of taps one night,
When everything was still
I listened to the bugler play,
And felt a sudden chill.
I wondered just how many times
That Taps had meant "AMEN"
When a Flag had covered a coffin
Of a loved one or a friend.

I thought of all the Children, of the Mothers
and the Wives, of Fathers, Sons and Husbands,
With interrupted lives.
I thought about a graveyard at the bottom of the sea,
Of unmarked graves in Arlington ...
NO ... FREEDOM IS NOT FREE!

This poem was written by CDR Kelly Strong, United States Coast Guard, and appears here courtesy of the Consolvo Family as does the graphic below



RECALL NOTICE:

The Maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the the heart. This defect has been technically termed "Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality," or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.

Some of the symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion

The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect.

The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.

The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.
Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.

No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control

Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Believers' Instructions Before Leaving Earth)
for further details on the use of these fixes.

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.

DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility. Thank you for your attention!

GOD

P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by 'Knee mail'.



People on terrorist watch list allowed to buy guns

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/06/22/terror.guns/index.html

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- When people on the government's terrorist watch list have tried to buy guns or explosives in recent years, the government has let them the vast majority of the time.

Current law doesn't stop firearm or explosives sales to people whose names are on the terrorist watch list.

That's the finding of a new report by the Government Accountability Office, sent to lawmakers last month and released publicly Monday.

From February 2004 to February 2009, 963 background checks using the FBI's National Instant Criminal Background Check System "resulted in valid matches with terrorist watch list records; of these matches, approximately 90 percent were allowed to proceed because the checks revealed no prohibiting information," the GAO report says. About 10 percent were denied.

"Under current law, there is no basis to automatically prohibit a person from possessing firearms or explosives because they appear on the terrorist watch list," wrote the GAO's director of homeland security and justice issues, Eileen R. Larence.

"Rather, there must be a disqualifying factor (i.e., prohibiting information) pursuant to federal or state law, such as a felony conviction or illegal immigration status."

Of the 963 background checks, 865 were allowed to proceed, and 98 were denied, the report said.

The GAO provided the report in response to a request from Sen. Frank Lautenberg, D-New Jersey. The GAO said Lautenberg had requested an update to a 2005 report.

In a statement Monday, Lautenberg said, "this new report is proof positive that known and suspected terrorists are exploiting a major loophole in our law, threatening our families and our communities. This 'terror gap' has been open too long, and our national security demands that we shut it down."

The statement said Lautenberg is introducing legislation that would give the U.S. attorney general "authority to stop the sale of guns or explosives to terrorists."

However, an official with the National Rifle Association, the leading lobbyist group that espouses gun ownership rights, said problems with the terror watch list made a broad prohibition likely to violate the rights of law-abiding citizens.

"The integrity of the terror watch list is poor, as it mistakenly contains the names of many men and women, including some high-profile Americans, who have not violated the law," said a statement by Chris W. Cox, the NRA chief lobbyist. "In fact, a March 2009 report by the inspector general of the Department of Justice concluded that many people whose names were mistakenly placed on the list remain there even after their cases have been vetted and closed."

The GAO notes that being on a terrorist watch list does not mean that someone is involved in any terrorist activity.

Last month, the Justice Department reported that the FBI had kept thousands of names on its watch list based on outdated information and should have removed them.



Democrats Torpedo Rep. King's Move to Bar ACORN from Census Funds

Iowa Republican Rep. Steve King introduced an amendment that would bar the Census Bureau from disbursing taxpayer funds to the activist group ACORN — but Democrats immediately squelched the measure, King disclosed.

In a release issued on Tuesday, after the amendment regarding the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now was introduced, King said: "It is time for every member of this Congress to go on record in support of or opposition to ACORN. ACORN and its estimated 270 corporate affiliates comprise a complex organizational and financial spider web with all the appearance of a criminal enterprise. ACORN is facing charges of voter fraud and tax violations, yet it has received over $53 million in taxpayer funds.

"Financial Services Committee Chairman Barney Frank and his liberal friends have opened the taxpayers’ wallet to as much as an additional $8.5 billion that could be accessed by ACORN.

"ACORN could soon be running the 2010 census if President Obama, a former ACORN employee, follows through on plans to have ACORN ‘partner’ with the Census Bureau. It is time to cut off ACORN’s access to taxpayer dollars and put an end to ACORN’s involvement in the 2010 census."

On Wednesday, King's office issued another release that read in part: "Last night, Speaker [Nancy] Pelosi and Democrat leaders passed a gag rule to ensure" that King’s amendment "never made it to the House floor."

King stated, "This Pelosi Congress is violating its commitments to the American people so it can protect its political cronies like ACORN . . .

"Democrats refuse to allow a debate, let alone cut off ACORN’s access to the taxpayers’ wallet . . .

"Justice demands that Congress cut off ACORN’s access to taxpayer dollars and put an immediate end to ACORN’s involvement in the 2010 census."

Rep. King told Newsmax in early June that he believes ACORN "has completely the face of a criminal enterprise, and it should be thoroughly investigated by Congress and the Department of Justice."



Sotomayor Quits All-Women's Club After GOP Questions Affiliation

Sotomayor said she resigned from the Belizean Grove to prevent the issue from becoming a distraction in her confirmation hearings.

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/06/19/sotomayor-quits-womens-club-gop-questions-affiliation/

WASHINGTON -- Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor resigned Friday from an elite all-women's club after Republicans questioned her participation in it.

Sotomayor said she resigned from the Belizean Grove to prevent the issue from becoming a distraction in her confirmation hearings.

In a letter to Democratic Sen. Patrick Leahy of Vermont and Republican Sen. Jeff Sessions of Alabama, the federal appeals court judge said she is convinced that the club does not practice "invidious discrimination" and that her membership in it did not violate judicial ethics.

But she said she didn't want questions about it to "distract anyone from my qualifications and record."

Federal judges are bound by a code that says they shouldn't join any organization that discriminates by race, sex, religion or nationality.

The Belizean Grove bills itself as women's answer to the 130-year-old all-male Bohemian Club in California. The club owns a 2,500-acre camping area in northern California called the Grove. Chief Justice Earl Warren belonged to the Bohemian Club beginning in the 1940s, before he joined the court and long before the federal judiciary adopted a code of conduct.

"The Belizean Grove is a constellation of influential women who are key decision makers in the profit, non-profit and social sectors; who build long term mutually beneficial relationships in order to both take charge of their own destinies and help others to do the same," the group says on its Web site. There are about 115 members, the club says.

Earlier in the week, Sotomayor defended her participation in the group, telling senators that it involves men in some of its events and that she was unaware of any man who had tried to become a member.

Sotomayor's backers noted that the court's only current woman, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, belongs to the membership-only International Women's Forum. So did former Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, who defended her involvement in all-women groups during her Senate confirmation hearings in 1981.

Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy faced similar questions over his longtime membership in the all-male Olympic Club in San Francisco. Kennedy resigned his membership in October 1987, as he was under consideration for the high court.

Sotomayor also told the senators that the search of documents from her time as a director of a Puerto Rican advocacy group is complete.

Republicans had complained that Sotomayor initially omitted from the records she sent the Senate Judiciary Committee a report she signed urging the Puerto Rican Legal Defense and Education Fund (now known as LatinoJustice PRLDEF) to oppose reinstitution of the death penalty in New York in the early 1980s.

The report, which has since been provided, said, "Capital punishment is associated with evident racism in our society." It noted that African-Americans at the time made up 47 percent of death row inmates, but only 11 percent of the U.S. population.



North Korea Trawler Chase Highlights UN Resolution Weakness

http://blog.heritage.org/2009/06/19/north-korea-trawler-chase-highlights-un-resolution-weakness/

American Leadership, Protect America.

The US Navy is shadowing a North Korean freighter that may be transporting military cargo banned by UN Resolution 1874. US defense officials have not identified the suspected military contraband, which could run the gamut from conventional weapons to missiles or even nuclear technology or components. The UN resolution imposed such tightly constrained means for enforcement that it now hinders international efforts to prevent North Korean nuclear and missile proliferation.

The UN resolution, passed on June 12 in response to North Korea’s recent nuclear test, is plagued with loopholes. The document merely “calls upon” rather than requires member nations to inspect cargo suspected of containing restricted materials. Nations can only inspect suspect vessels with the consent of the flag nation; without such consent, the ship must be directed to an “appropriate and convenient” port for the required inspection. China resisted efforts to base implementation on Article 42 of Chapter 7 of the UN Charter, which would have allowed military force to uphold the resolution.

The danger of North Korean proliferation is high, since it previously sold missiles to several countries and was assisting Syria to construct a nuclear reactor prior to it being bombed by Israel in September 2007. Media reports have cited the Kang Nam as a “known proliferator.” However, previous instances of law enforcement seizure of the ships (several North Korean freighters share the same name) were in response to safety violations rather than illegal cargo. A rumored October 2006 interception for suspected arms smuggling proved to be erroneous.

If the North Korean ship is carrying proscribed cargo, it would be the latest blatant act of defiance by Pyongyang against the international community and another test of the Obama administration. The North Korean ship has declared for Singapore where it would likely be subject to search by local authorities. But, if the ship deviates from its declared destination, Admiral Michael Mullen, the chairman of the U.S. Joint Chiefs of Staff, has said the US navy would not board the ship without permission since the resolution “does not include an option for opposed-boarding or noncompliant boarding.”

The numerous shortfalls of the UN resolution, and the dangers it poses for preventing North Korean proliferation, show the need for the Obama administration to continue to press the UN for more expansive rules of engagement to enforce the resolution. Because China and Russia will continue to be obstructionist, the Obama administration should also initiate a parallel multilateral effort to impose punitive measures on North Korean proliferation and illegal activities. Finally, the US should engage with other nations to define the circumstances in which North Korean ships would be boarded if they are suspected of carrying missiles or nuclear material.



Biden Speaks

Ethel C. Fenig

http://www.americanthinker.com/blog/2009/06/biden_speaks.html

The 53%-46% margin of victory that the Democrat President Barack Hussein Obama and his running mate Joe Biden received in the November, 2008 election hasn't stopped them for acting like a bunch of childish crybabies, blaming others for all their problems.

"It's not my fault, I didn't do it, he did!" is a five year old's response to a broken window but not appropriate for an adult leader of the world to the dangerous situation we're in. As former active members, serving as senators in the government they now lead, they were part of the problem.

Tell that to Biden; along with his superior he is still in five year old crybaby mode. As reported by Brendan Scott in the New York Post, at a fund raiser in NY Monday night, Biden, referring to New York State's first black, legally blind governor, continuing the administration's pattern of "it's not my fault, he did it" blamed their problems on their inherited situation:

"And Governor, just as your state led in our election, it is our hope that your state leads us out of this mess we inherited. We've been dug into a pretty deep hole."

The highly taxed state of New York has been governed by Democrats for quite awhile; the "pretty deep hole" is of their own making, each successive Democratic governor just taking the taxing inheritance and spending more. As for the nation, Obama and Biden inherited a hopeful wind down of Iraq; they seem to be ignoring and mocking the inherited wisdom of strength against nuclear adversaries North Korea and Iran.

But hey, why let facts get in the way? Apparently they still can't put on their big boy pants.

The ever eager to please vice president charged headlong into New York state's brewing Democratic civil war last night when loose-tongued Vice President Joe Biden offered Gov. Paterson a seeming endorsement for the 2010 gubernatorial race.

"Your once and future governor of the state of New York has been extremely generous to Barack and to me and has been a major part of us trying to put this economy back together," Biden said at a party fund-raiser with Paterson. (snip) Biden's remarks came a day after Paterson's presumed chief Democratic rival, Attorney General Andrew Cuomo, told party faithful at gathering in Westchester that primary fights can be "very productive."

Meanwhile, New York State has a huge budget gap that will probably be enlarged as talk of even more taxes spurs those residents and businesses who can, to flee the state. But don't tell that to Biden--as long as the "once and future governor of the state of New York has been extremely generous...to me" who cares?



A Birth Certificate shows that we were born

A Death Certificate shows that we died

Pictures show that we lived! Have a seat . . . Relax . . . And read this slowly. I Believe… That just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do love each other.

I Believe… That we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I Believe… That no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I Believe… That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance; same goes for true love.

I Believe…. That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I Believe… That it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I Believe… that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe… That you can keep going long after you think you can’t.

I Believe… That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I Believe… That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe… Those heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe… That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I Believe… That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing, and have the best time.

I Believe… That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe… That sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe… That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had, and what you’ve learned from them, and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I Believe… That it isn’t always enough, to be forgiven by others. Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe… hat no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I Believe… That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe… That you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret, it could change your life forever.

I Believe… Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I Believe… That your life can be changed in a matter of hours, by people who don’t even know you.

I Believe… That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I Believe… That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe… That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I Believe…. I WANT YOU TO SMILE AND HAVE A GOOD DAY!!!!



Just a MOM!

A woman, renewing her driver's license, was asked by the woman at Registry to state her occupation.

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

'What I mean is, ' explained the woman at Registry, 'do you have a job or are you just a ....?'

'Of course I have a job,' snapped the woman.

'I'm a Mom.'

'We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation, 'housewife' covers it,' Said the recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation. The clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, 'Official Interrogator' or 'City Registrar.'

'What is your occupation?' she probed.

What made me say it? I do not know. The words simply popped out. 'I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations.'

The clerk paused, ballpoint pen frozen in midair and looked up as though she had not heard right.

I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

'Might I ask,' said the clerk with new interest, 'just what you do in your field?'

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, 'I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't) In the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out) I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) And I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money.'

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door. As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than 'just another Mom.' Motherhood!

What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door.

Does this make grandmothers 'Senior Research associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations' And great grandmothers 'Executive Senior Research Associates?'
I think so!!! I also think it makes Aunts' Associate Research Assistants.'

Please send this to another Mom, Grandmother, Aunt, and other friends you know. May your troubles be less, your blessing be more, And nothing but happiness come through your door! Be kinder than necessary. Everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. You never know when a moment and a few sincere words can have an impact on a life.



"The e-mail Bag"

Putting Your Affairs In Order

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, 'I've got some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.'

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.

'Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. So, let's head to the club and have a martini.'

After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.

The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end, 'I've been diagnosed with AIDS.'

The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.

After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, 'Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that??'

'Because I don't want any of those *****es sleeping with your father after I'm gone.'

And THAT, my friends, is what is called, 'Putting Your Affairs In Order.'



The New Government Motors (GM)

I took out a luxury car last week, just to drive that sucker.

The salesman sat in the back seat describing the car and options.

The seats were of particular interest. He explained the seats blew warm air to your butt in the in the winter and blew cool air to your butt in the summer heat.

I stated the car must be a republican car. He asked why I thought it was a republican car and I explained if it were a democratic car, the seats would blow smoke up your ass.



What Husbands Need To Know!

A woman was walking down the street. Without warning, she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The woman took out her billfold, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?”

“No, I had to stop drinking years ago” the homeless woman replied.

“Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?” the woman asked.

“No, I don’t waste time shopping, the homeless woman said. “I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.”

“Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?” the woman asked.

“Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless woman. “I haven’t had my hair done In 20 years!”

“Well,” said the woman, “I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight.”

The homeless woman was astounded. “Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.”

The woman replied, “That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.”