ConservativeChristianRepublican-Report - 20090619

Motivational-Inspirational-Historical-Educational-Political-Enjoyable



"My Comments" - To one and all!

What Makes A Dad

God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle's flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so, He called it .... Dad

Author is unknown



"Daily Motivations"

I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. -- Anne Frank



"Daily Devotions" (KJV and/or NLT)

"God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16)

Because of the selfless sacrifice of God's Son, Jesus Christ, we have inherited eternal life.

But what is eternal life? Jesus explains in His prayer to His Father, "This is eternal life: that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom You have sent" (John 17:3, NIV). Eternal life is essentially a relationship with our Creator. Sin separated us from God. In fact, eternal death---or hell---is eternal separation from God. But thanks to our loving Savior, the barrier of sin has been removed, and we can experience the bliss of deep fellowship with God forever. This is eternal life!

Furthermore, we know from God's character that He never changes. Therefore we can be completely confident in our eternal destiny.

But, like any friendship, our relationship with God can deepen and mature. Our experience of eternal life can grow and become more abundant. One commentary illustrates this point with the analogy of attending a concert. As the symphony orchestra plays, everyone in the audience enjoys the beautiful music. However, those who have nurtured a love and understanding for music will more fully enjoy the performance.

In a similar way, the Bible makes it clear that although God's love for us never changes, how we live this temporal life will affect how deeply we enjoy eternity. Eternal life is an abundant, meaningful life that begins the moment we receive Christ and lasts forever. What a blessing, both now and for eternity, to know our loving God and gracious Savior.



"The Patriot Post"

"If men through fear, fraud or mistake, should in terms renounce and give up any essential natural right, the eternal law of reason and the great end of society, would absolutely vacate such renunciation; the right to freedom being the gift of God Almighty, it is not in the power of Man to alienate this gift, and voluntarily become a slave." -- John Adams, Rights of the Colonists, 1772

"It is the madness of folly, to expect mercy from those who have refused to do justice; and even mercy, where conquest is the object, is only a trick of war; the cunning of the fox is as murderous as the violence of the wolf." -- Thomas Paine

"Obama the Humble declares there will be no more 'dictating' to other countries. We should 'forge partnerships as opposed to simply dictating solutions,' he told the G-20 summit. In Middle East negotiations, he told al-Arabiya, America will henceforth 'start by listening, because all too often the United States starts by dictating.' An admirable sentiment. It applies to everyone -- Iran, Russia, Cuba, Syria, even Venezuela. Except Israel. Israel is ordered to freeze all settlement activity. As Secretary of State Clinton imperiously explained the diktat: 'a stop to settlements -- not some settlements, not outposts, not natural-growth exceptions.' What's the issue? No 'natural growth' means strangling to death the thriving towns close to the 1949 armistice line, many of them suburbs of Jerusalem, that every negotiation over the past decade has envisioned Israel retaining. It means no increase in population. Which means no babies. Or if you have babies, no housing for them -- not even within the existing town boundaries. Which means for every child born, someone has to move out. No community can survive like that. The obvious objective is to undermine and destroy these towns -- even before negotiations. ... Blaming Israel and picking a fight over 'natural growth' may curry favor with the Muslim 'street.' But it will only induce the Arab states to do like [Mahmoud] Abbas: sit and wait for America to deliver Israel on a platter. Which makes the Obama strategy not just dishonorable but self-defeating." -- columnist Charles Krauthammer

"[T]hose who have never broken free from the mentality of tax-and-tax and spend-and-spend still think increasing taxes is the best way to solve America's problems. ... We need a tax policy that offers incentives for people to work, save, and invest -- all the things that will keep our economy growing and improve our well being. We need a basic tax reform that will permit us to bring everybody's tax rates down. ... Our country needs leadership that can see beyond the demands of the special interest groups and prepare America for a better tomorrow." -- Ronald Reagan

"'You are there.' The rotunda of the U.S. Capitol, that great, sandstone-walled, light-filled hall ringed with statues of the great of American history -- Jefferson, Washington, proud Andrew Jackson in his flowing cape, Eisenhower, U.S. Grant, his eyes surveying the terrain as if he sees something out there in the wilderness. It's 11 a.m. Wednesday, June 3, 2009, and Ronald Reagan marches in, surrounded by his peers. Actually his newly installed statue is unveiled there, in a ceremony attended by officials of both parties (including the speaker of the House and the leaders of the minority), his wife, Nancy, and a few hundred of his friends, appointees, staffers and cabinet members. It was standing room only. The mood: mellow, proud and modest with the increased modesty of age. 'How lucky was I to walk into history when Ronald Reagan was in the room?' The speeches ranged from the heartfelt to the appropriate, with two (James Baker and Mrs. Reagan) being outstanding. It is usual, after formal ceremonies with their frozen rhetoric, to come away feeling that no cliché was left untouched. In some cases here they were quite thoroughly molested, but no matter. The general feeling was that Ronald Reagan restored America to itself, and that's what people more or less said. It was a great day..." -- columnist and former Reagan assistant Peggy Noonan



"Liberty Counsel"

Online version easier to read? Go to www.LC.org

June 18, 2009

The White House Issues Benefits to Same-Sex Partners of Government Employees

On June 17, 2009, President Barack Obama signed a presidential memorandum granting benefits to same-sex partners of federal employees. President Obama’s action follows closely behind his proclamation declaring June to be “LGBT (Lesbian Gay Bisexual and Transgendered) Pride Month” as a second official action favoring the homosexual community. As a result, for the first time in our nation’s history, homosexual partners of federal employees will receive benefits just short of health insurance and retirement funding.

Traditional marriage is the building block of a stable society and a foundational Biblical principle. With a stroke of his pen, the President has single-handedly undermined the foundation of marriage with no input from the legislature, judiciary or the people of the United States.

Responsible citizenship requires action. One of the most effective ways to express your displeasure over President Obama's action is to politely call the White House through the Capitol Switchboard at (202) 224-3121.

Read our News Release for more details.

Same-Sex Marriage: Putting Every Household at Risk

Anyone who cares about children should read this book by Mat Staver. Order online from our secure website or by calling 800-671-1776. This book discusses the impact same-sex "marriage" will have on the culture and answers the central questions that concern everyone about same-sex unions.

Thank you for standing for liberty by keeping informed. You can help by forwarding this Liberty Alert to your entire e-mail list of family and friends, and encourage them to subscribe.

Liberty Counsel does not charge clients for representation, so we depend on individuals, groups and churches who care about advancing religious freedom, the sanctity of human life and the traditional family. Liberty Counsel is recognized by the IRS as a 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organization that accepts tax-deductible donations. Donate or order resources from the Liberty Counsel online store.

Mathew D. Staver - Founder and Chairman
Anita L. Staver - President
Liberty Counsel - 1-800-671-1776
PO Box 540774 - Orlando, FL 32854



"The Web"

Daddy's Hands

by Holly Dunn

http://www.morning-glow.com/holidays/father/daddyshands.mid



Daddy's Hands

I remember daddy's hands folded silently in prayer
And reachin' out to hold me, when I had a nightmare
You could read quite a story in the callous' and lines
Years of work and worry had left their mark behind
I remember daddy's hands how they held my mama tight
And patted my back for something done right
There are things that I'd forgotten that I loved about the man
But I'll always remember the love in daddy's hands
Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin'
Daddy's hands were hard as steel when I'd done wrong
Daddy's hands weren't always gentle but I've come to understand
There was always love in daddy's hands.
I remember daddy's hands workin' 'til they bled
Sacrifised unselfishly just to keep us all fed
If I could do things over, I'd live my life again
And never take for granted the love in daddy's hands



The Seed

A successful business man was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business.

Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together.

He said, "It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you.

"The young executives were shocked, but the boss continued. "I am going to give each one of you a SEED today - one very special SEED.

I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you.. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO."

One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story.. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed.

Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown.. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow.

Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing. By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn't have a plant and he felt like a failure.

Six months went by -- still nothing in Jim's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Jim didn't say anything to his colleagues, however... He just kept watering and fertilizing the soil - He so wanted the seed to grow.

A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection. Jim told his wife that he wasn't going to take an empty pot. But she asked him to be honest about what happened. Jim felt sick to his stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right.

He took his empty pot to the board room. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful -- in all shapes and sizes.

Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him!

When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives.

Jim just tried to hide in the back. "My, what great plants, trees, and flowers you have grown," said the CEO. "Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!"

All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the Financial Director to bring him to the front.
Jim was terrified. He thought, "The CEO knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!"

When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed - Jim told him the story.

The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, "Behold your next Chief Executive Officer! His name is Jim!"

Jim couldn't believe it. Jim couldn't even grow his seed..

"How could he be the new CEO?" the others said.

Then the CEO said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead - it was not possible for them to grow.

All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new Chief Executive Officer!"

* If you plant honesty, you will reap trust

* If you plant goodness, you will reap friends

* If you plant humility, you will reap greatness

* If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment

* If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective

* If you plant hard work, you will reap success

* If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation

* If you plant faith in God, you will reap a harvest

So, be careful what you plant now; it will determine what you will reap later..
"Whatever You Give To Life, Life Will Give Back To You"



Obama’s Americorps scandal — and the First Lady’s meddling

By Michelle Malkin

http://michellemalkin.com/2009/06/12/obamas-americorps-scandal-and-the-first-ladys-meddling/

President Obama is hoping you won’t notice his abrupt change of inspectors general over at Americorps, the government-run, taxpayer-subsidized “community service” boondoggle (which Republicans helped expand as part of the $6 billion GIVE/SERVE Act in March despite its wasteful track record. Thanks, Republicans). http://michellemalkin.com/2009/03/25/to-give-and-to-serve-the-6-billion-national-service-boondoggle/

With intervention from Michelle Obama, the Americorps inspector general was given the boot and replaced — for doing his job too well, it seems, and uncovering squandering of funds by favored contributors, educational institutions, and left-wing groups.

This Associated Press article only scratches the surface: http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/ap/top/all/6473844.html

President Barack Obama plans to fire the inspector general who investigates AmeriCorps and other national service programs amid a controversy between the IG and Sacramento Mayor Kevin Johnson, who is an Obama supporter and former NBA basketball star.

The IG, Gerald Walpin, was criticized by the U.S. attorney in Sacramento for the way he handled an investigation of Johnson and his nonprofit group, St. HOPE Academy, which received hundreds of thousands of dollars in federal grants from the Corporation for National Community Service. The corporation runs the AmeriCorps program.

On Thursday, Obama said in a letter to Congress that he had lost confidence in Walpin. Neither the president nor deputy White House press secretary Josh Earnest would give details. The president must give Congress 30 days’ notice before removing Walpin, who is being suspended with pay for the 30 days. Earnest said, “The president will appoint a replacement in whom he has full confidence as the corporation carries out its important mission.”

Sen. Chuck Grassley, R-Iowa, in a letter to Obama, pointed to a law requiring that Congress be given the reasons an IG is fired. He cited a Senate report saying the requirement is designed to ensure that inspectors general are not removed for political reasons. Grassley said Walpin had identified millions of dollars in AmeriCorps funds that were wasted or misspent and “it appears he has been doing a good job.”

In fact, there’s much more.

This little-noticed story in Youth Today http://www.youthtoday.org/publication/article.cfm?article_id=2949 yesterday points to another example of Walpin blowing the whistle on fraud:

The inspector general (IG) of the Corporation for National and Community Service is being removed by President Barack Obama, a week after the IG questioned the eligibility of the largest and most expensive AmeriCorps program, and while the IG was contesting the “propriety” of a settlement made with a mayor for alleged misuse of AmeriCorps funds.

…Funding for the largest AmeriCorps program - the Teaching Fellows Program, run by the Research Foundation of the City University of New York - is in abeyance pending resolution of widespread problems identified in a recent audit. Although Walpin recommended that funding be curtailed and that previous funds (perhaps as much as $75 million) be repaid to the corporation, the corporation has said it will take no action on that matter.


Walpin concluded that nothing was being gained by the grants to CUNY and that the money was simply being used to subsidize an existing and funded program.

I highly recommend that you head over to the Americorps’ inspector general’s report site here http://www.cncsig.gov/AuditReports.html. You can find the entire CUNY report here. Let me repeat what the IG found: Waste, duplication, ineffective spending, criminal background check lapses, and repeated violations of the grant rules. And they’re not doing anything about it. Just a snippet from the executive summary:

The Office of Inspector General (OIG), Corporation for National and Community Service (Corporation), contracted with Cotton & Company LLP to perform agreed-upon procedures to assist the OIG in grant cost and compliance testing of Corporation-funded Federal assistance provided to The Research Foundation of the City University of New York (RFCUNY). The Corporation awarded two Education Award Program grants to RFCUNY that were categorized as Professional Model grants.

SUMMARY OF RESULTS

As a result of applying our procedures, we questioned education awards of $16,152,414 and draw downs of $773,254. In general, we questioned the education awards for members whose eligibility was not established in accordance with grant requirements for criminal background checks. Draw downs were questioned mostly for fixed fees related to members whose eligibility we questioned and also for drawing down in excess of fees earned. In addition, our compliance findings when taken as a whole indicate pervasive problems of eligibility, timekeeping, and documentation. A questioned cost is an alleged violation of a provision of law, regulation, contract, grant, cooperative agreement, or other agreement or document governing the expenditure of funds or a finding that, at the time of testing,
includes costs not supported by adequate documentation.

…Participants who successfully complete terms of service under AmeriCorps grants are eligible for education awards and, in some cases, accrued interest awards funded by the Corporation’s National Service Trust. These award amounts are not funded by Corporation grants and thus are not included in claimed grant costs. But at the time that a grant is awarded, and due to the grant award, these amounts become immediate obligations of the National Service Trust. Therefore, as part of our agreed-upon procedures, and using the same criteria used for the grantee’s claimed costs, we determined the effect of our findings on AmeriCorps members’ entitlement to education and accrued interest awards.

The following is a summary of grant compliance testing results…

1. RFCUNY drew down more funds than it was due.

2. RFCUNY did not follow certain AmeriCorps Provisions.

3. The supervisory signature on members’ timesheets was not the members’ supervisor, or that of someone with direct knowledge of hours served by the members.

4. Members did not always record actual service hours on their timesheets.

5. Some members’ timesheet hours were not accurately recorded in the Corporation’s Web-Based Reporting System.

6. RFCUNY did not require its members to timely submit their member contracts, forms, and timesheets.

7. RFCUNY used preprinted member documentation and did not ensure that all member documentation was completed, signed, and dated.

8. RFCUNY did not maintain documentation to demonstrate that each member’s evaluation complied with AmeriCorps Regulations and the Member Agreement.

9. RFCUNY did not maintain documentation to demonstrate that members received criminal background checks and that any background checks conducted complied with AmeriCorps Provisions.

10. RFCUNY entered incorrect member start dates in Corporation systems and in member contracts.

11. Some members worked beyond their contract-end date.

Another recent IG report on Americorps waste by open-borders lobbying group, La Raza (”The Race”) spotlighted its failure to complete background checks and institute secure financial controls. And on and on and on. http://www.cncsig.gov/AuditReports.html

And guess who’s meddling in these affairs? Yep, First Lady Michelle Obama: http://www.youthtoday.org/publication/article.cfm?article_id=2949

Some decisions about CNCS are being made by First Lady Michelle Obama, according to service advocates (who asked not to be named). Last week, Mrs. Obama announced that her chief of staff, Jackie Norris, would move to CNCS as a senior adviser. Officials said yesterday that Norris is scheduled to arrive on June 22.

Who’s looking out for you now? Cronies, that’s who.

More on the First Lady’s role in installing Norris and intervening to help pick the next Americorps CEO: http://www.youthtoday.org/publication/article.cfm?article_id=2947

First Lady Michelle Obama’s chief of staff, Jackie Norris, is being sent to the Corporation for National and Community Service (CNCS) in what is both a White House shake-up and an indication of the first lady’s sway over the corporation that oversees AmeriCorps, Serve and Learn and the Senior Corps.

Observers believe Norris, whom Obama came to know early in the Iowa caucus campaign, was forced out of the White House so that long-time Obama friend Susan Sher could take over. But those same observers see her appointment as senior adviser to the corporation as an overall win for CNCS, believing that Norris still will have a straight line to the White House.

CNCS remains without a CEO after the withdrawal last month of Nike vice president Maria Eitel, even before her nomination went to the Senate. Although the corporation’s CEO must be nominated by the president and confirmed by the Senate, Michelle Obama reportedly has taken the lead in selecting the nominee.

This stinks. Shades of Travelgate, http://www.nytimes.com/1996/01/05/us/memo-places-hillary-clinton-at-core-of-travel-office-case.html anyone?

The more things Change…



Prayer wheel for our soldiers...please don't break it

When you receive this, please stop for a moment and say the following prayer for our troops around the world -

'Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands. Protect them as they protect us. Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in time of need. I ask this in the name of Jesus, our Lord and Savior. Amen..'

There is nothing attached. This can be very powerful. Just send this to all the people in your address book. Do not stop the wheel, please.....

Of all the gifts you could give a Soldier, Sailor, Airman, Marine, Chaplain & others deployed in harm's way, prayer is the very best one.



The Real Importance of the Sotomayor Fight

By Richard A. Viguerie

http://www.americanthinker.com/2009/06/the_real_importance_of_the_sot_1.html

The confirmation fight over Judge Sonia Sotomayor shouldn't be approached as merely about filling a vacancy on the Supreme Court. Even as important as that is, this confirmation fight is bigger than that. It is a fight about whether the Constitution any longer constrains the power of government by and according to its terms. It is about President Obama's view of government power versus the view held by most Americans.

President Obama's nomination of Judge Sotomayor has so far managed to unite all wings of the conservative movement -- economic, foreign policy, social, traditional and libertarian -- in a way we haven't seen since the early Clinton years. How the various wings of conservatism define and contrast our constitutionalist views against the president's could literally determine the fate of his entire political agenda.

Conservatives are for limited government because the Constitution was set up in a way to counteract the natural predilections of man to abuse the power of government. It is government that can most systematically and egregiously limit life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Our Constitution, properly construed, protects the people and allows the greatest exercise of man's capacities. Improperly construed, we are weaker and less free. Obama wants it improperly construed.

The enumeration and separation of powers, rights reserved to the people and the states, freedoms of conscience, limits on government intrusion into our property, the right to bear arms, etc. are the distinctions of the United States that account for America's unique place in history. They, not the federal government itself nor the individuals who run it, enable our greatness as a nation.

In those regards, the Sotomayor confirmation fight is bigger than all other policy matters such as deficit spending to rejuvenate the welfare state, nationalized health care, national security, etc. Those who see this confirmation battle as about just Judge Sotomayor miss the larger point. This is really about President Obama's harmful and dangerous view of government power.

President Obama wants to remake and thereby weaken America by avoiding the constraints in the Constitution and its structure for political accountability. He is faced with circumstances that make that possible: (1) economic turmoil, (2) a sycophantic press, (2) a passive and sympathetic Congress, and (4) a judiciary that too often refuses to insist that the other two branches act within their enumerated powers. He has taken advantage of those circumstances to expedite his government power grab at a dizzying pace. If Americans had time to absorb what he was doing and the freedoms they were losing, he would not succeed.

We are distracted by Obama's blitz because we have too many attacks on our system to confront effectively at once. That is why it is important for conservatives to focus foremost on the Sotomayor confirmation fight. Within that one fight alone we can address the very reasons why, as polls show consistently, conservatism is twice as popular as liberalism. This confirmation fight can weaken Obama's march to a form of government inconsistent with the Constitution if conservatives grasp the challenge.

The official confirmation battle rests in the hands of Senate Republicans. Collectively, they have not always been friends of conservatives or our causes. However, Judiciary Committee ranking minority member Jeff Sessions is not only a reliably principled conservative, he seems to understand what's at stake in the Sotomayor confirmation.

Senator Sessions will need the help of his colleagues, but given their numerical status, their performance will need to be exceptional. Grassroots conservatives must therefore remind them daily what's at stake, which is a long and bleak minority status for Republicans, and a change for the worse in our entire system of government.

The quality, intelligence and competence of how Senate Republicans deal with the Obama view of the judiciary and the Constitution itself can only be effective if they show passion, resolve and principle. How they perform will determine whether they are testaments to our heritage, or its goats.

If Senate Republicans fail to understand what's at stake, not only might the next election be the last for many of them, history will point a mercilessly unforgiving finger at them. Conservatives at the national, state and local levels therefore need to emphasize those consequences. We cannot wait for, nor depend on, Senate Republicans to define President Obama. We must do that.

We now have a president who does not believe he needs authority provided in Article II or in authorizing legislation before he can buy and run American businesses, appoint czars overseeing the private sector without Senate confirmation or legal authority, unlawfully fire inspector generals attempting to prevent abuse in how taxpayer dollars are spent, or act on nearly any other matter and often using his power for political patronage.

Justice Robert Jackson's concurring opinion in the 1952 case barring President Harry Truman from nationalizing the steel industry during a wartime emergency says about presidential power unrestrained by the Constitution:

"Such power either has no beginning or it has no end. If it exists, it need submit to no legal restraint. I am not alarmed it would plunge us straightway into dictatorship, but it is at least a step in that wrong direction."

America is on a precipice. The Sotomayor confirmation battle is the best chance for conservatives to articulate our constitutional view of governing and define Obama's attempt to alter our democracy. It is about whether he will make us a lesser nation, and who will stand up against him.

Richard A. Viguerie was called "one of the creators of the modern conservative movement" (The Nation), and one of the 13 "conservatives of the century" (The Washington Times).



"The e-mail Bag"

Never leave your nuts alone!

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his nutty patients to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.

When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite well. As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts". and the patients complied by standing up.

After the anthem, he yelled, "Down Nuts", and they all sat back down in their seats.

After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts". They all broke out into applause and cheered.

When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts" and they all started booing and cat calling.

Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned, there was a riot in progress.

Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked, "What in the world happened?"

The assistant replied, "Well everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled, "PEANUTS!"



TWO DIFFERENT DOCTORS' OFFICES

Boy, if this doesn't hit the nail on the head, I don't know what does!

Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.

The FIRST patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and
has a time booked for surgery the following week.

The SECOND sees his family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment, then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week and finally has his surgery scheduled for 6 months from then.

Why the different treatment for the two patients?

The FIRST is a Golden Retriever.
The SECOND is a Senior Citizen.

Next time take me to a vet!



Divorce Court

'Mr.. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'

'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'



Upon Examination

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'

'Me neither doc,' said the husband.. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'